Eff that, Twilight.

I like :)

Sos tiram

.

.

Ziarah kubur, sedekah Yassin

>>Oleh Sameon Report

sreport@dailycrap.com.my

DAMANSARA: Kehidupan yang bahagia di rumah kini sudah tidak bermakna bagi hamba Allah, Fairuz Mohd bin Suparman(bukan nama sebenar). Kasih sayang dan pengorbanan beliau menjaga arwah kini bagai nasi menjadi bubur. Arwah, dikenali sebagai Shamsul Udang(bukan nama sebenar) telah ditemui mati di rumah majikannya di Kota Damansara.

"Saya berasa sungguh sedih, saya sayang dia(arwah) tidak terhingga. Saya kerja siang dan malam, 7 hari seminggu semata-mata untuk menatang kehidupannya. Kini, dia(arwah) dah pergi selama-lamanya. Saya masih tidak dapat menerima kenyataan ini. Namun, saya redha kerana ini ketentuan Allah." kata majikan berumur 22 tahun itu.

Majikan, yang kini menganggur dan dalam pengajian di institut pengajian tinggi di negara ini merupakan seorang yang kasih sayang, sopan dan sentiasa mengingati orang di sekelilingnya. "Saya selalu nampak dia(majikan) memberi makanan dan memberi layanan sepenuhnya kepada Shamsul setiap petang. Mereka boleh dikatakan bagai isi dan kuku kerana tidak pernah berpisah. Dia sentiasa membawanya(arwah) ke mana-mana dia hendak pergi kecuali ketika berdating." ulas makcik Normah binti Haji Karim, jiran rumah hadapan.

Arwah telah dikatakan meninggal dunia di antara 12 tengahari hingga 7.20 petang hari ini. Autopsi yang telah dilakukan di situ juga menyatakan tiada kesan pergelutan atau pembunuhan terjadi di tempat kejadian. "Setelah kajian post mortem dilakukan, mayat arwah merupakan di dalam keadaan yang sihat, tiada penyakit atau sebab-sebab luar yang boleh menyebabkan kematian beliau. Namun, kami percaya sebab utama adalah faktor umur beliau yang sudah uzur iaitu setahun 2 bulan." kata Dato' Seri Dr. Ir. Haji Kariman Karim. Beliau juga telah menyatakan bahawa dalam pengalamannya menjadi pakar forensik selama 23 tahun itu, beliau tidak pernah melihat keadaan mayat yang begitu baik. Jelas sekali arwah telah menghadapi kehidupan yang sempurna bersama majikan.

Mayat arwah telah ditemui oleh Fairuz sendiri di mana dia tanpa memikir telah menelefon pihak polis dan ambulan untuk pertolongan ketika masa kejadian. Namun dengan respon pihak berkuasa yang pintas, arwah masih tidak dapat diselamatkan.

Arwah Shamsul telah dikebumikan di Tanah Perkuburan Lalang, yang hanya 2 meter dari tempat kejadian. Majikan memilih lokasi tersebut supaya dia boleh sentiasa ziarah kubur arwah tersayang.

Arwah yang telah ditemui meninggal dunia di tempat kejadian

Jangan la kerek sangat

Click for better resolution.

Ah, nothing but good sarcasm for breakfast. Pfft.

P.S: Anyway, they're actually doing a good job. :)

Effing Hilarious!

HTC EVO vs iPhone 4 HAHA

Courtesy of this blog.

Karate Pedo

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Car one moment, MPV the next

Okay, helping someone to choose which car is okay. Hamba Allah sorang ni nak upgrade to a family car from a Perdana. Maklumlah nak menambah asset dalam masa terdekat ni. Haha. So anyways, bincang dan bincang, budget beliau adalah RM80k plus minus, effing cash money. Kalau boleh nak baru. Dengan selambanya, aku cakap Exora la apa lagi. Haha. A bit yucky but space wise and interior not bad for a brand new priced at about RM77k full spec.

Okay so then hamba Allah itu menanyakan padaku, tiada kereta lain ke yang aku mampu beli? Dengan sambil lewanya aku membalas, jikalau kereta baru hanya itulah yang anda mampu beli wahai ******, melainkan anda minat dgn Alza yang serba buruk dan teramatlah buruk itu? Beliau terdiam terpaku bagaikan sesuatu telah menyelubungi dirinya.

Kemudian beliau bertanya, kalau kereta terpakai kereta apa yang bagus? Owh, soalan yang bernas tuan direktor. Dengan kepakaran saya dalam bidang ini, dengan bajet begitu saya mampu mencari untuk anda sebuah kereta MPV yang boleh dikategorikan sebagai kereta mewah! Yang saya mengelamun tadi ialah sebuah Toyota Estima ACR30, ada 2.4cc dan juga ada yang 3.0 V6. Saya syorkan untuk mengambil yang enjin 2.4 kerana minyak yang lebih jimat dan juga jimat cukai jalanan dan insurans yang perlu kamu perbaharui setiap tahun. Contoh Toyota Estima adalah seperti di bawah:

Sungguh cantik, anggun dan bergaya. Bayangkan jika ANDA sedang memandunya di perjalanan Lembah Klang. Tidak dinafikan semua orang akan terpegun dengan kereta ini. Awas, jika dipasangkan sekali dengan rim bersaiz 17 inci seperti gambar di atas, berhati-hati jika melalui di kawasan orang ramai. Ia boleh menyebabkan kemalangan jalan raya kerana semua orang akan terpesona dengan kecantikan kereta ini sehingga tidak dapat menumpukan perhatian, baik kepada mereka yang memandu, baik kepada mereka yang sedang makan.

Okay cut the malay brochure language crap already. So she asked, "Other than estima? I mean just to know my options. What other cars can i get?" I told her a Toyota Wish would suffice. The 2nd hand market price should be around RM8xk, for a 03 or maybe 04 model if your lucky. Then she asked why so expensive? Might as well i get an Estima if its around the same price. Oh no no no, that is not the point here. Wanna know why a Wish is around the same price? Firstly, its a 1.8 car, u can save at the roadtax and insurance. Secondly, the fuel consumption is effingly diabolically fuel saving. And thirdly, its a timing chain engine. Thats the reason why the price is the same, its a hot car.

Just imagine a white Wish as above, but with 17" rims, fully bodykits, and a Xenon headlight. Leng maaa..

Dub dab dub dab, okay, ill think about it. But most probably the Estima. Im keen on it coz the space.

Okay whatever. Just tell me when u wanna buy. Sheesh.

Update 29/6: Exora jugak. Haha

Malas

Iniliah akibatnya bila perasaan bosan melanda diri:

Kenapa lelaki tidak wajib memakai tudung?

Click here!


HAHA WTF!

Twilight Saga - Eclipse?

And so the upcoming sequel of the twilight saga is coming up, and i know girls will be sweating in their vajayjays over this so called vampire movie. "Omg, its Robert Pattinson!", "No, Taylor Lautner is wayyy hotter.", and "Hey look, thats my boyfriend."

Even so, the movie has uplifted the actors/actresses popularity in just a short period of time:

"In Twilight movie news, stars Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart were well received on the "black carpet" for the Twilight Eclipse premiere in Los Angeles on Thursday June 24th, 2010. Their recent fashion photos and pics have been popping up online after the premiere has ended from Nokia Theater in LA. Each of the three main stars, also including Taylor Lautner, looked great and they posed together as well."
http://family.gather.com/viewArticle.action?articleId=281474978329066

In MY effing opinion, its a frieking lame movie! What, vampires can be exposed to sunlight only to reveal their glittering body? Thats effing lame and it totally disperses the classic tale of vampire turning into dust once they're exposed to the sun. I dont believe in vampires personally, they're just mythical creatures, if they do exist, i dont think its any like in this movie.

They should just make a vampire porn movie at the rate of this going. Heck, even Kristen Stewart is changing boyfriends, first Robert Pattinson then Taylor Lautner? So that proves a glittering vampire is more lame than a werewolf. Haha.

This so called love story is just too overrated, heck why even call it a love story if a majority of its fans are just kids? What do they know about love? All they know is a boy and a girl meet, followed by a ridiculously coincidental turn of events, they kiss, date then fuck. Ooh, what a frieking love story. I would like to thank the script writers and movie makers for this labeling of love.

Anyways, im gonna watch it when it comes out anyway. HAHA. Just a teaser:

Sony NEX-5

Nak beli camera ni!!!

Nak RM11,084 boleh?

So tadi went to the Car Accessories shop, nak repair horn kete. Baru beli sebulan, sebelah dah x working. China betol la. Kit Siang cakap "Aiya, ini memang itu macam maa.. Kalau u dliving ah, masa itu rain ah, air masuk maa. Itu pasai bunyi satu horn saja. Nanti sulah keling bunyi ok balik maa"

Waklu air masuk, horn civic blakang bumper bodo.

So anyways, lpas bertengkar itu macam ini macam, tgk2 sound system. Paling cun dia ada MB Quartz. Ok2 la not bad. Mid pakai component set dpan blakang double magnet dgn crossover+tweeter, amp pakai 4 channel 800watt. Sub pakai tatau apa tapi MBQuartz gedabak besar with monoblock. Player JVC double din full features. Wiring, capacitor, workmanship etc all in.

Itu cina ah, kira2 guna kalkulator dpan muka, tgk saya manyak kerek, tanya apa macam? The figures were RM11084.00. Kepala babuntut dia. Tapi best ar. Bontot tol.

Kota Damansara Community Forest Park

Okay so yesterday i wanted to go cycling, but dunno where, asked abg long, he said "Have u been to KDCF?" I said, "Whats KDCF?" "Kota Damansara Community Forest Park la, near ur school tu." I replied "Owh okay, cun japg pg."

Mentang2 basikal dah siap, semangat lebih. Haha. Anyway tgh siap2 buat checklist lagi. Baju adidas check, seluar 3 quarter khakis check(sbb shorts xde), socks check, Solomon offroad shoes check, Nike pouch check, water bottle check, bike check, legs check. Ok we're off.

Masuk main road je otw pg SMKKD seksyen 10 kaki dah lenguh. HAHA. I was like wtf, mentally pikir baru je start, physically rasa ok dah jom balik. Lololol. Takpe, train aiman train, pg2 smpai skolah, nampak pondok, trus masuk trailhead.

Nak start2 je tgk turun bukit terus cuak. ROFL. So i stopped, kumpul semangat, amek gambar:



Abg long said the trail was a short trail around 4km+, but how come its way much shorter when i went it? It was like, 200 metres, then dah habis. I was like wtf. Wtf pun, 200 metres tu, turun bukit je sket, tolak beskal, naik bukit pun tolak beskal. Hahahaha. Adoi, mcm org tua pencen plak. Xpe2, slow2 kita naik jadi professional pornstar, eh, rider.

Ahaks.

Sammich!

I just eated a Subway Meatball Marinara sammich. I rike it veli the much. My sammich is look like dis:




Now i full, i want to go smoke liao. U got lighter ah?

Anak Ikan!

Eh, bukan anak ikan tu la. Anak ikan ni:



Baru beli 10 ekor ikan, dgn semangatnya, di kedai ikan Jalan Sg. Buloh. Hehe. 5 ekor jelawat, 2 ekor krai, 3 ekor barb ape tah. Ho yeah, im starting my favourite hobby back again. That is to kill my pet fishes 1 by 1, and only time is the factor.

Haih, babi tol la.. Tak penah yg bertahan, paling lama setahun, my green arowana.. Paling cepat yang baru beli ni! Dammit, ntah kenapa balik malam tadi tetiba tinggal 9 ekor. Sekor lompat pg blakang, dah jadi ikan kering dah. Knn lu. Haha. Its a record breaker i tell you, only 7 hours. Dammit.

Anyway, keep trying and trying, ill rear this fishes until they can be called grandparents. U can do it Aiman. Dont give up.

P.S: Takyah la nak semangat sangat, lama2 mampos gak ikan tu.

P.S2: Babi!

Dream Bike. . .

Ah, felt like the old golden days when i got my bike back from the shop. How I starved like hell just to get a seat post. And when i worked for a month at hotel armada to get a Fox Vanilla RC fork. Damn. The old golden days.

Behold, the cup of glory. The golden stallion. How it glimmers under the sun, although it was shady. The faded, 5 year old frame, the scratched crank, the stickerless fork, the shaky headset, and lame Deore FD.



See the explicit Truvativ Stylo crank equipped with ISIS drive. How technology uplifts the beauty of the mountain bike. The smooth drive, with lame ass bearings makes my ride comfortable and adds a quarter horsepower!



Ah, the Thompson Lite stem. Lightweight, durable, and equipped with lifetime warranty. You can imagine how effingly expensive it is. I do.



Now, with new Continental Vertical tyres I can make my day by drifting at corners in switchbacks, and even downhill! And guess what, it punctures everytime you cycle horizontally too. This lame ass tire is so sophisticated with technology, that it actually helps you slide down AND up a slope without difficulty. They call me DK now thanks to these babies.



I am so good with my PR, I can get a TESTER seat on my bike at a good price. I wont admit that im on a budget, but I am good and the seat is good. This Recaro-like ass seat is so good, it makes farting and anal seems easier. Some kick ass seats!





Damn my bike sucks.

A healthy breakfast is a healthy breakfast is a healthy breakfast is a healthy breakfast

A healthy breakfast is healthy, if you actually slept the night before! Meroyan di waktu malam merupakan suatu kerja atau boleh dikatakan sebagai sebuah(?) hobi yang amat produktif. Hasilnya adalah sarapan pagi yang amat memuaskan.

Haih. Btw, bosan gila x boleh tido, lepas subuh je basuh kete. Mandi n then buat breakfast. Supposedly nak pegi car wash after that, tgk2 tup tup. Pengsan. Kah3. Bangun2 pukul 3.30pm, n teringat, my bike dah siap! Woohoo. Woohoo. Woohoo. It costs RM467. Wooooohooooo!! Mana tak botak kepala.

Back to the story, tested the bike, damn best gila. Teringat waktu2 fit dulu cycling mcm org gila offroad 40km+, cycled from gombak to frasers hill and back(supposedly but i didnt. Hehe), from gombak to genting. Mmg mcm org gila. And im about to be my gila-self again. New life's resolution: Start cycling. :) Oh yeah, and start having good breakfasts. :))